Pregnancy So Far

Pregnancy So Far

I hate being pregnant Yes, you read that right. I hate it. It’s miserable. If I’m not dealing with extreme nausea, then I am surely dealing with exhaustion and migraines. On really shitty days I deal with all three symptoms. They say that by your second trimester you should be feeling better and will most likely even get a burst of energy and it will be smooth sailing from there! Too bad I’m 3 weeks into my second trimester and I still want to die on a daily basis. Whats worse is my appetite has gone to hell. Before baby (we’ll call it B.B.) I was always down to eat. In fact, this is the one thing that really brought my husband and I close together when we first started dating. On any given day you could find us eating sushi, pizza, burgers, onion rings, WHAT HAVE YOU, but ever since I’ve become pregnant, I am lucky if I can finish my dish of extremely healthy veggies or fruit- the only two food groups my baby seems to like. Of course, I don’t mind because its what I crave and the baby is super happy after getting it, but its a far cry from what I normally nourish myself with, and even though I don’tcrave any “bad” foods, I still miss them.

It was this way, in fact, by which I was alerted that something might be wrong. I was evacuated from my home due to the Thomas fire and I stayed between hotels and friends houses. I initially thought I was coming down with the flu, imploring those around me to stay far away. You know that feeling of extreme disgust that always sits right at the top of your throat and deep in your gut? Well, it was constant. I didn’t want to eat anything. THAT was a major moment. I wasn’t throwing up, though, so I was totally baffled. Usually when I get the flu, if I I have to throw up, I throw up. No amount of willpower or happy thoughts can sway the power of nausea. This was different and perhaps what tipped me off that something wasn’t right. It wasn’t until I ordered my favorite takeout-Thai food- that I knew something was definitely up and it wasn’t the flu. I quite literally set down my pad Thai and picked up my keys and drove myself to the nearest CVS. I stood there under the fluorescent lights and head on with the pregnancy tests for like an entire 5 minutes. My whole world kinda just froze. I thought, “if you don’t take this test then you won’t be pregnant.” Almost letting myself get away from the responsibility of pissing on this stick, I snapped back to reality and said to myself, “but if you’re not pregnant then you’re dying from the flu.” For one second, I debated which situation might be worse and I couldn’t make up my mind.

The thing is, pregnancy is scary.

Some try really hard, for a really long time and don’t ever get to experience the joy of conceiving naturally, if at all. But for those of us who stumble upon this miracle by accident, it can be a very scary notion. I immediately started thinking about what kind of mom I would be. I mean, I still feel like I’m 16. I still act like I’m 16, so its definitely scary to all of a sudden be in the position where you are bringing a life into this world. its an amazing responsibility, but definitely a core shaker. So here I am, 16 weeks pregnant and dying. Lol. I really hope that these next few weeks will change for the better. I know my husband is desperate for his fun, spunky, down for anything wife to come back. Pray for me, y’all.

anyone else have trouble with morning sickness? I’d love to hear about it!

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